


Trying to find you in the moon

by Phangirling_is_my_passion



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Heartbreaking, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad Ending, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 12:27:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15606267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phangirling_is_my_passion/pseuds/Phangirling_is_my_passion
Summary: Simon passes away from cancer and Baz tries to cope





	Trying to find you in the moon

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based off of the song Only You by Little Mix and Cheatcodes and it's kinda sad and I'm sorry and I don't know why I wrote

The Eiffel Tower burned bright in the distance, the moon shining on passerbys. Baz sat at the window sill of some fancy hotel that he didn't bother remembering the name of, breeze gently forcing black strands of hair to cover his eyes. It was cold as absolute shit, but he couldn't be bothered to shut the window. Snow would've wanted it open anyway and who was Baz to deny his ex boyfriend's preferences.  
Paris was usually a place that cheered Baz up. He had taken Simon here for their second anniversary as boyfriends. It almost made Baz smile, the ghost of lips on his cheek in front of one of the biggest attractions in the world. What a cliche.  
Baz's stomach contracted and he grimaced. Perhaps he wouldn't smile after all.  
++++  
The flat was empty. It had taken five breakdowns and a near suicide attempt, but Baz had managed to pack everything. He didn't know exactly where he was going to go next. But he was in indescribable pain and the surroundings didn't much matter.  
++++  
"Hey Baz, how are you?"  
He sighed. He loved Penny but Crowley she needed to stop asking. She already knew the answer.  
"I'm fine."  
"Are you really?"  
Silence.  
++++  
Baz woke in a cold sweat, reaching for a body that was simply not there. There was a permanent ache in his chest that never went away. Not even in his dreams.  
He rubbed his eyes and eased himself back into the sheets.  
It could have been hours or minutes before sleep managed to drag him into its clutches. He just watched the silhouettes on the ceiling.  
It had almost been a year.  
++++  
On February the 4th, Baz made his way to Watford. He gathered his broken pieces and marched up to the gates. There were already tears in his eyes, but at this point, that was nothing new.  
There was a statue of Simon Snow in the courtyard. Baz couldn't help but to think of how much Simon would've hated it. Him, standing there, bronze curls and that infernal sword (he'd had fucking magic for Crowley's sake).  
Baz ignored the words engraved at the base (in memory of...).  
The tears we constant, the tracks they left, scars on pale skin. Maybe Baz wasn't dead, how could he be dead if he was in so much fucking pain.  
"No one else can fix me, only you." A whisper.  
In loving memory of...

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry  
> This is (again) some trash that came out of my brain at this point my brand is trash  
> You can come visit me on tumblr if you feel like it @lifeasafail


End file.
